There has never been a more important moment to remain optimistic and realistic in equal measure.

I have studied psychological fitness for the past 15 years and trained thousands of people in how to build mental resilience and emotional wellbeing so they can deal with uncertainty and thrive in their lives. When you are faced with a new situation, something unexpected it can be hard. Dealing with uncertainty means being outside of our comfort zone, outside of our sphere of familiarity and that takes more energy. It can feel like our sense of being is frayed — how do we remain resilient and look after our well-being?

Here are some top tips that help to build the psychological muscle so you are better equipped to deal with uncertainty – including pandemics.

 Kindness and compassion for self 

Do you spend a lot of your day and evening ‘doing’ – cooking, cleaning, schooling, working, caring for elderly family members? Life is busy, with so much to juggle, but the way you tend to yourself is hugely important not only for yourself but also for those around you. Practice kindness and compassion for yourself: 

• Scan your morning, afternoon and evening for your achievements, give yourself a pat on the back. However small the achievement seems and long the ‘to do’ list remains, you are making progress.
• Keep a list of all the good things you do and think of it as your ‘note to self’ list that will jog your thinking and remind you that you are doing a great job in really difficult circumstances.
• Mark out some ‘me time’, tell everyone that it is your time and stick to it.
• Be good enough, not perfect – lower the expectation of yourself and those closest to you.
• Remember YOU are important, amazing and unique.

Harness emotions  

We are all feeling things all of the time, but we can tend to only pay attention to negative emotions. Positive emotions are useful is so many ways. They help with: 

• Creative and lateral thinking and ability to problem solve
• Strength, coordination, cardiovascular health
• Overcoming setbacks and reaching our goals
• Maintaining and creating new social bonds 

Harnessing negative emotions and building into the day things that make us feel positive emotions is vital for resilience.

• WATER SOOTHER – Water has natural properties that can have a soothing effect on both mind and body. Running a warm bubble bath and then cooling off afterwards in the shower can make you feel refreshed and stimulate your blood flow. Alternating between warmer and colder water in the shower can achieve the same benefits. Holding ice cubes in your hands until they melt can also be a good way to calm down and focus on something else.
• VISUALISE DEALING WITH STRONG EMOTIONS – Imagine stepping outside of your mind. Imagine climbing some stairs to a balcony above and looking down on your situation below. Seeing the situation from a distance. Not trying to change anything but just seeing it from above, away from it, not directly involved. Think about the advice you would give to deal with this in the best way?
• FRESH AIR – Fresh air is so under-rated. Taking a few minutes to breath in the fresh air can make all the difference to the way we are feeling. Stand in your garden, at the back door or at an open window, take a couple of deep slow breaths and then notice your surroundings. Connect to that sense of you being in that space right now.
• TAKE NOTICE – Be aware of your surroundings. Take notice of the beauty in the smallest thing. Be open to seeing the qualities and the uniqueness of the world around you.

Human connection The human connections we have with each other are vital – and we have so many ways to stay visually, verbally and socially connected. Reconnecting with old friends or people you haven’t seen for a while, is so good for the soul. Write them a letter (yes old school I know), that focuses on all the wonderful things you love about them. Include any special memories, good times, focus on them (not you). You can decide whether to give it to them or not, but notice how reflecting and writing these things down and it makes you feel.

Create Balance 

Let’s face it, life, is full of ups and downs, good and bad. More than ever, we need to remain optimistic and realistic in equal measure. It’s no good pretending that life all rosy, if it isn’t, but catastrophising about all the possible worst-case scenarios isn’t helpful either.

• Watch or read the news (from a trusted source) only once a day and for a limited period of time. It’s important to know what is happening but limit your intake to the ‘facts’. Then create the balance by spending the same amount of time focusing on what you can be grateful for. Big or small things that make you smile, warm your heart.
• When your mind starts to catastrophise the negative, worst case outcomes create the balance in your mind by thinking about the positive, best possible outcomes. This is not about ignoring the negative but helping to put your thinking into perspective. Thinking about the ‘best case’ can be hard, particularly when we are surrounded by a challenging reality, but creating a balance in your mind will mean you are better able to deal with the reality.
• Create a daily routine that includes the things that you enjoy doing, as well as the routine, work, family. Perhaps, look back after the last week and write down the things you did, and then review the list for the coming week and include ways to be ‘kind to yourself’ and that help ‘harness your emotions’.

Model it’s ok not to feel ok   

We have an impact on each – thats just part of what human beings do. We compare ourselves to others and we mirror the behaviour we see (someone yawns we can find ourselves yawning too).

Uncertain times offer an opportunity to talk about dealing with setbacks, understanding different reactions, listening to each other, not always knowing what is coming, but recognising that we have choices that will help us not only survive, but grow.